You jokes
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
This is to the girl/boy named Gwen: Are you okay? I see there is a bunch of haters but DON'T, I repeat, DON'T let the haters get to you. I hope you see this and respond and that you are okay. Please Gwen, be honest.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW