You jokes
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
*School shooting happens.*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*
American student: "First time?"
Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"
American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
REALLY CRAPPY JOKE ALERT!!! Oh Quin, how was eating that tight butt? Must be nasty. I heard you met from rear ending him.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Do you like Wendy's? When deez nutz are in your mouth.
how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?
kick his sister in the jaw
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.
What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.
Are you corona? Cuz it’s hard to breathe around you ;)