You jokes
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
People: Stop invading Ukraine!
Putin: Ukraine? you mean Mykraine.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
Sans: Zzzzzzzz.
Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it, dude?
Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
Me all the time :
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
What do you call a running chicken?
Scared.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
This is to the girl/boy named Gwen: Are you okay? I see there is a bunch of haters but DON'T, I repeat, DON'T let the haters get to you. I hope you see this and respond and that you are okay. Please Gwen, be honest.
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
What do you call a fat Chinese man?
A double chinkey.
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.