You jokes

Sans: Zzzzzzzz.

Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!

Sans: What is it, dude?

Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!

Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??

What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?

Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.

What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.

How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

Don’t worry if you have a stroke.

You’ll be all right.

How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?

They both get paid to eat 200 balls!

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

What do you call a blonde in a freezer?

Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

What do you call a sad coffee?

Despesso.

What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?

You can shut the book up.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

What do you call a feminist with a rape whistle? Delusional and optimistic.

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm stroking my dick and thinking of you.