Wont jokes

What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

You wanna hear an Indian egg joke? (yeah-)

Never mind. You won't understand.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They won't be able to find home.

Why do cat orphans watch sci-fi movies?

Because they won't understand what the mother ship is.

Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.

So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?

... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.

I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.

What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?

"It won't be long now..."

Today was like every other day. It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary. I fear these feelings will never end. I’ll always feel so dark, feel so hopeless. Sometimes all I want is for it to end. For all of it to end, for all of my thoughts to end. I despise the way that always comes to mind. But I feel so lost, feel so hopeless. If something would just work. But nothing has worked. Nothing can fix this. These feelings will pass. These days won't feel so endless... or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope... and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they'll help... they'll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue... Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It'll make this better. It should make me feel better.

Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green! I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?

For the same reason a ship won't stay afloat with holes in the bottom.

Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?

Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.

You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.

Gwen, just take Tj as your boyfriend. Gah, just do it so he won't kill himself! Prince will be fine without you!

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

His neighbor asked Hodja,

"Do you have some forty-year-old vinegar?"

"I have," answered Hodja.

"Would you give me some? I need it to prepare a medication," said the man.

"No, I won't," replied Hodja. "If I had given some to everybody who asked for it, would I have it for forty years?"

People who don't have common sense are just stupid people with ugly hearts. STOP HATING PEOPLE YOU NEVER KNOW! Also write "then exit the f word site," and I think we know that won't happen!!!

I L.O.V.E GWEN!!!!!!