Woman jokes

I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."

What sayd the man to the woman??

Go to the kitchen lol.

What does a French woman say when you ask her what her favorite video game is? "Oui, oui!"

What do women and peanut butter have in common?

They're both easy to spread.

My wife is a whore, so I pimped her out and broke her mentally and emotionally, taught her a good lesson of being a real woman loyal to her man. End of story, you women are bitches.

Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.

Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.

The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)

What do you call a gay man that performs fellatio on a man and cunnilingus on a woman, a person who is curious about male bisexuality, a man that is bicurious?

Does it cycle now?

There is a man and a woman on a date.

The woman asked what kind of things do you love?

The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.

What do autistics, women, and chinks have in common? They can't fuckin' drive.

Why does God hate me?

Because I'm a gay minority who fights for women's rights.

My abortion.

Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!

Women, go chop some lumber!

White people, get back into the cotton fields!

What do you call a woman with magical abilities and an android? Wanda Maximoff and Vision! Or.... Scarlet Witch and Vision! This joke was added to celebrate and honour Marvel Studios' new series: WandaVision!

Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?

It was homesick.

A man and a woman are watching clouds together. The man says, “Hey, that one looks like a giraffe!” The woman agrees and says, “That one looks like an elephant!” The man sits up and says, “That one looks like a mushroom.”

I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.

What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?

My last if she knows what's good for her.

No one. Beyoncé said "To the left, to the left!" She really meant women have no rights.

There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?

(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)

Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.