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    Sally

    Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

    Teacher: 502.

    Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

    Teacher:No you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

    Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

    Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

    Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door

    Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

    Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?

    Student: No!The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

    Teacher: WOW!

    Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

    Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

    Student:The gators are at the party.

    Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

    Teacher:She drowned?!

    Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

    Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left?" Because women dont have rights.

    Teacher

    Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.

    America

    Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

    0

    Q:What do women and kfc have in common A:once you eat the breasts and thighs all you have left is a greasey box to put ur bone in

    Puns

    I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

    So I am an emo dude so I sit in the back of the class and I talk to no one.But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me so I just ignored him.Then he got really pissed off and said “I’m gonna kill you”.I was like “Your gonna kill me just because I ignored you, is your ego that big, wow.”He left then the next day he brought his goons with him and said “now your dead” I ignored him again and he said “you will pay for this.”So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house then him and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died so I kept on walking.I had some rope traps set.This was the best day of my life.

    This is why you never mess with emo’s.We have ropes everywhere.

    2

    Dead

    Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

    3

    What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.

    Doctor

    Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what's the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I've been trying to contact you sense yesterday

    5

    A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

    There were four people who went to land... only three returned..... Why??? They left someone for memories!!!!

    The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: I killed your horse... The second quickly left and when he returned he said: We have poisoned all your cows

    My son wore his new 'Go Vegan' Hoodie for the first time today and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked & spat on!!!! And he's not even left the house yet!!!

    What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross? Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter Vacation.

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