Woman jokes
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
You walk into an area that has big asses on the wall, and they feel lifelike, so you put your dick into them, and you go on the opposite side of the wall, and women are naked through the wall.
How many genders are there? One: Men! Women are property!
A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"
She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."
The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
"Hippoty hoppity, women are property."
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years in a basement.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
What do 100,000 battered women have in common? The bitch was wrong!
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
What does a French woman say when you ask her what her favorite video game is? "Oui, oui!"
The difference between women and beer is that beer makes you happy for nothing, why women make you angry for nothing.