Labor jokes
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
What was the difference between the Federal Republic of Germany and the German Democratic Republic?
Federal Republic: The harder you work, the more you get.
Democratic Republic: The harder you work, the firmer the handshake and nothing else.
One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"
The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"
And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"
The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"
Johnny replied with, "OK."
Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!
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How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
I don't know, it depends on how hard you throw them.
Labor party.
You wanna hear a construction joke?
I'm still workin' on it!
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.
What do the initials UAW stand for?
United Awesome Whores.
I regret my abortion.
I didn’t know child labor was an option.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
Dwarf Shortage.