Labor jokes
What was the difference between the Federal Republic of Germany and the German Democratic Republic?
Federal Republic: The harder you work, the more you get.
Democratic Republic: The harder you work, the firmer the handshake and nothing else.
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What do the initials UAW stand for?
United Awesome Whores.
One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"
The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"
And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"
The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"
Johnny replied with, "OK."
Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
What do you call an orphan at a construction site?
Child labor.
You wanna hear a construction joke?
I'm still workin' on it!
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.
Where do short people disappear on the first of December?
Santa's Workshop.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
Why should a feminist never be allowed to join the UAW United Auto Workers?
Because the only thing that a feminist will do in the UAW United Auto Workers, is eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom and she will only pay her membership dues, if she is allowed to eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.