Woman jokes
Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.
Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
Q: What do you call a "Wild Man" or "Wild Woman" on the Moon?
A: A Luna-Tic!
I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Because they worship cows.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Without other people's dicks in it.
You blow a kiss up.
Your eyes were bright up your ass.
Why are women like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
Bippity Boppity,
Women are property.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.
What's that useless skin around the vagina and the boobies?
The women.
Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!
Women, go chop some lumber!
White people, get back into the cotton fields!
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
Little girls cry. Big girls say, "F*ck."
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"