When jokes

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

Why is prostitution illegal?

Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.

Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?

To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

Q. What do you get when you cross a mentally disabled person with a pedophile? A. Jeffy Epstein.

When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"

When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."

I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.

He had a change of race tho when he died.

When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."

Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.