When jokes

i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff

Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?

A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.

Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.

Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall, lol?

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.

But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.

Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?

A: Cuatro Cinco.

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.

If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?

What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.

The thing I don't like about shopping centers...

When you see one, you've seen a mall.

When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?

When people make accounts about you and a category.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"

what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.

when is it normal to freeze before being raped?

when a policeman rapes you.