When jokes

What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?

Panera dread.

Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.

When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.

What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?

You get PRICKrolled.

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?

Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."

What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?

O I C U R M T

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.

When does a doctor get mad?

When he runs out of patients!

What did Batman do when he went shopping?

Got ham!

I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.

What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.

Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)

-> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.

Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."