When jokes

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.

When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?

To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.

What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)

-> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.

Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?

A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.

i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?

When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

Why are washers better than babies?

Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.

What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?

There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.