When jokes
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?
You get PRICKrolled.
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.