When jokes
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
lol so true
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?
Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)
What did Batman do when he went shopping?
Got ham!
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?
You get PRICKrolled.
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.