When jokes

I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.

When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

The school shooter: "I don't know."

The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”

The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”

Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?

She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.

Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."

I started crying when my dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.

Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?

What do you call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.

What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?

Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.

When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?

You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”