When jokes
When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.
Memes
When I tell my bf I saw him fall yesterday.
I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.
I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
I started crying when my dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?
What is the fastest thing in the world?
James Charles when he sees little boys.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.
What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?
Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.