When jokes

When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.

What does Bugs Bunny say when he has a boner?

"What's up, cock?"

A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.

When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?

Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"

[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.

I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.

- How did the gay person die? Homicide.

- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.

- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.

- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.

- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.

- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.

What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?

She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.

What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.

I started crying when my dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

What is the fastest thing in the world?

James Charles when he sees little boys.

Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.