When jokes

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."

My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.

Your mama is so ugly that when she walked in the bank, they had to turn off the cameras.

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

John Kreese's forehead broke when silver hit 'em in the forehead.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good. He died during 9/11.

A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?

A pap smear.

What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.

Sorry man, but I got to say one thing. You know when a bully in a movie walks to you, then they walk up to you, and they smell you and say, "What are you doing?"

Okay, I'm on my last nerve when people say "Water Shark Guy" and other things THAT ARE NOT MY NAME.

This is my name: watersharky!

What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?

Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.

What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?

"Looks like a rerun."

Where's freshfry when I need him? :(

"Hey, Firesharky... How did you know if I was your brother when I'm not? You didn't even say my name, and plus, I'm lying about my name."

Yo mama is so hairy, when you were born, you got carpet burns!

What do you do when you see a wiener dog?

I like you wiener.