When jokes
When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Yo mama so fat that when she fell on the concrete, nobody laughed, but the concrete cracked up.
The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.
Yo mama so dumb, when her computer was asking for cookies, she grabbed a cookie, smashed it onto the screen, and broke the computer.
What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What does a terrorist do when they see a twin?
They fly a plane at them.
What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?
Moses hits the adoption lottery!
Your mama is so ugly that when she walked in the bank, they had to turn off the cameras.
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
So you mom call she side when Covin come home?
Yo mama so fat, when she jumps, NASA says a meteor hits Earth.
What do orphans get when they go to a bank alone?
What did the people in 9/11 say when they got the wrong pizza? Man, they got it wrong, I wanted this shitty plane!
What happened when the emo kid gave the tree a high five? It left him hanging.
What does Finn Wolfhard do when he makes a good joke?
He drops the Mike.
Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."
My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.
John Kreese's forehead broke when silver hit 'em in the forehead.