When jokes
What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?
"Wow, Harry!"
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
My best opinion: when life goes to hell, you just go down with it.
Memes
Yo mama so dumb, when she looked at the light, she said, "Why is the sun so close to me?"
You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
When an orphan takes a family photo, it's called a selfie.
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.
She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.
What is it called when corn stalks have a baby?
The cream of the crop.
You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
What does a rifle and a microwave have in common?
They both go "Ping" when they are done.
What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.
Where do dogs go when their tails fall off?
To the retail store.
What happened when the emo kid gave the tree a high five? It left him hanging.
What does Finn Wolfhard do when he makes a good joke?
He drops the Mike.