When jokes

What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?

"Windows shut down sound."

I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.

Hi Alex, it's 2:00 Easter time. Freshfry is a scaredy-cat. He left when you left, lol.

My speech impediment has gotten so worse that I stutter when typing sentences.

Don't make a person look a fool when you are the real one!

I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.

My name is Devonair.

When I get a haircut, it's always bald.

Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."

My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*

I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?

Drumsticks for everyone!

When I give you the signal, I want you to roll down your window and call the oncoming cyclist a prick.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, I'm just a burden.

The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.

So you see all these Baby Yoda memes when you go online, But you have never really seen the show with him.

He is just SOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it just me, or is it normal to you when people scream?

When you still there?

Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.

Student: Oof.

Teacher: Is anyone not here?

Student: Yes, your parents.

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.

"Prince, I'm ready to chat when you are. I'm in bed, so yeah, let's chat! Love you!"

Yo mama so ugly that when she looked at the sun, it exploded.

You’re so short, you can swing your legs when you sit on a stool.