When jokes
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Nothing, because fish can't talk.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?
Panera sped.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To Be Continued."
Why do midgets giggle when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
Joe mama's so hairy when she went to the movie theater, the people thought she was Chewbacca!
You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.
I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."