When jokes

What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?

Domi-don't-knows...

I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?

“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”

When you reconstruct Michael Jackson and Lil Nas X to wreak havoc on preschool.

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

Yo mama so poor that when she went to KFC, she had to lick other people's fingers.

What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?

Cheater, cheater, woman beater!

What do you do when your cat's dead?

Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.

What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?

"We need to circumcise that one."

When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.

Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.

My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.

One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."

"Shut up, Brick!"

One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."

How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?

Her crayons are still wet.

What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"

She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."

Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"

A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.