When jokes

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.

You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...

Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.

What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?

"Can I have a bodybag?"

When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.

What do you get when you eat a hamburger?

Mustard gas.

What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?

“Good evening, ladies.”

How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?

The wheelchair rises to the top.

Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!

The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.

When the teacher dismissed the class to go home,

The orphan asked, "Where do I go?"

The teacher replied, "Home."

The orphan said, "Catch me on the streets then!"

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass is tickling their ballsacks!

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

Kid: I want to be Batman.

Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.

What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.

What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?

A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.

What happens when an alien connects with your device?

The alien says on your device: ".-- . / - .-. .- ...- . .-.. / ..-. .-. --- -- / -- .- -. -.-- / -- .- -. -.-- / --. .- .-.. .- -..- -.-- ..."

What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.

What is it called when 21 Savage and 6ix9ine fight: Alien vs. Predator?

Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Answer: Damn!