When jokes
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.
What do you call it when a gay guy farts?
An abortion.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
true though
When someone calls you gay, say:
"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? (Dam!)
I bet when you take a bath, they give you the whole pool. No, better yet, the ocean!
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
When you are playing Fortnite and you get a big W, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
Old people all ways get in the way some times don't they all ways to sloow when they are in front of you and make silly exsgouses dont they it is some times beyond a joke ! Lol
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
What did Mother Mary say when God farted? Jesus Christ, you stink!
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.