When jokes

What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.

How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?

He CRACKed up.

What happens when an alien connects with your device?

The alien says on your device: ".-- . / - .-. .- ...- . .-.. / ..-. .-. --- -- / -- .- -. -.-- / -- .- -. -.-- / --. .- .-.. .- -..- -.-- ..."

What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.

Yo mama so stupid, when she was in court and the judge said, "Order, order," she said, "Pizza."

What is it called when 21 Savage and 6ix9ine fight: Alien vs. Predator?

Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Answer: Damn!

What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?

A waist of time.

What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?

A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.

Kid: I want to be Batman.

Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"

What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?

- Kelp!

What did the computer say when it was tired of the user?

Kiss my ASCII!

That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.

Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.

One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."

"Shut up, Brick!"

My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.

One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."