When jokes

What did the grape say when the fox stepped on it?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.

You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.

Your mama's so fat that when she went to space, there was no space left.

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.

What do you get when you goblin with a shark?

Why did the orphan join the baseball team?

Because he knew when he got to third base he could head home.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

What does a disabled disco play?

"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."

What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?

Panera Fred.

What do you call it when Panera Bread gets painted red?

Panera Red.

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

What did the frog do when his car broke down?

It was toad.

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

I bet emo girls get jealous when people cut paper.

Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.

What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.

Just remembering the day when the Jets beat the New York Giants.