When jokes
Yo mama so stupid, she hides behind a glass door when playing hide and seek.
What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
What is the difference between a male prostitute who is a Democrat and a male prostitute who is a Republican?
When Republicans perform fellatio for money, it is called prostitution, but when Democrats perform fellatio for money, it is called a donation to their political campaign.
Ok guys, I have one last joke (for now).
What do you call it when Panera is over?
Panera end.
also acceptable when I saw your face
When is rape normal?
When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.
What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?
Batter up!
Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"
That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home? Was your dinner night and dinner night?
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!
When you start sweating after filling in "C" for the third time in a row.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, both had Bacardi rum. When Jill's was gone, she wanted Jack's, that's why she took it from him.
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV. His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
Yo mama so ugly, when she went to the ugly club, they said, "Sorry, professionals only!"
Yo mama's so hot when she walked into Subway she gave me a foot long!
When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.