When jokes

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)

Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?

A: At least you don't die when you shower.

Yo momma's like a cloud, when she disappears, it's a beautiful sunny day.

Yo mama's so fat, when Thanos snapped, she only lost a few kg.

Q: What did people say when Kim Kardashian was at the beach?

A: Stop littering!

Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?

Panera Fred.

What do you call it when Panera Bread gets painted red?

Panera Red.

What did the frog do when his car broke down?

It was toad.

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!

I get jealous when my phone dies.

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?

Boy's pants are half off.

Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.