When jokes

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...

What does a plug do when he's horny?

He jacks off!

You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on, people look at him and think... "Aw, fuck."

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

What sound did Stephen Hawking make when he died? Power off.

As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.

Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

I have 206 bones, but when I see you, I have 207.

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?

What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?

It left him hanging.

What does Marcus Rashford say when he comes to the stadium?

I wanna kick some balls!

Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light!" she blocked the sun. Now we call her the moon.

My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:

I got it from her when I was born.

What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.