When jokes

What did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?

Freeze.

When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

when is rape wrong on so many levels?

inside a lift.

When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"

I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.

What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?

He became spotless!!!

What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?

"I C D K"

You know what I see?

DICK

I like my women like I like my microwaves.

Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."

(I'm a trans man myself lol)

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.

What's red and screams when you shake it?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.