When jokes

What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"

What did Cinderella do when she got the ball?

She gagged and took it like a champ.

What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?

He became spotless!!!

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

when is rape wrong on so many levels?

inside a lift.

When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.

What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.

I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

I like my women like I like my microwaves.

Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?

"I C D K"

You know what I see?

DICK

When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.

What's red and screams when you shake it?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism

You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!