When jokes
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when youβre on top of me.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
Memes
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
Ok guys, I have one last joke (for now).
What do you call it when Panera is over?
Panera end.
Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.
What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?
I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
Why can't orphans really play baseball?
Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.
Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued," and it said, "Fuck you."
When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.
Then you know they're faking depression. π
If you know it, you know it.
Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls.