9mm jokes

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"

Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.

What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?

A 9mm.

I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

How do Americans learn the metric system?

9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That's the best I've done so far.

I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?

When you have a gun in your hand.