Water jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in some laundry...

I met a fat chick at the beach.

People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.

Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.

What would the Mandalorian be called if it was made in an aquatic center?

Mandachlorian.

Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.

Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.

Where do golf players practice?

Near a gulf.

"Look, Ma! I peed in the pool!"

Why is the sea salty? Because it is always blue.

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."

Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

What is the opposite of salt water?

Pepper water.

What does a glass of water ask a pond?

"Water you doing?"

What does the pond answer?

"Pondering life."

I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.

What is a cow's favorite water sport?

Ca-MOO-ing!

Yo mama so fat when she laid on a water bed, she laid on the whole Pacific Ocean.

Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.

What?

The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*