Water jokes

Why do high tides come up so high?

Because they come up to say hi.

What happens to teeth when they go in water?

Bro, I dunno, they get wet?

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in some laundry...

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

I met a fat chick at the beach.

People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."

Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

What is the opposite of salt water?

Pepper water.

What does a glass of water ask a pond?

"Water you doing?"

What does the pond answer?

"Pondering life."

I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.

What is a cow's favorite water sport?

Ca-MOO-ing!

Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.

What?

The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*

Yo mama so fat when she laid on a water bed, she laid on the whole Pacific Ocean.

Why will we never get hungry in the desert?

We have lots of sand-which's.

What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?

The dry bear.