Lake Jokes

Whats_My_Name?
in Annoying

A kid walks in late to class, the teacher asks him “why are you late?” and he replies “I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake” Another kid walks in late to class and the teacher asks him “why are you late” and he replies “I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake”, The last kid walks in and the teacher says “why are you late?..and why are you wet?” and the kid says back REMEBER MY NAME IS PEBBLES!!

Death&Decay

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

Georgia
in Cow

whats the hardest part when making skimmed milk? throwing the cow across the lake

no1

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dog for a walk.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Tayler Swift.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.

wonderdragon

LOOK - IT’S THE LAKE OF WHIZ!!!

Anonymous
in Country

Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.

Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled “vodka” and the lake changed into vodka.

Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled “beer” and the lake changed into beer.

American ran to dive,slipped,and said, “oh shit”.

3
OreoFan

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.

The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Eau
in Water

So my friend and I went camping at a Cold lake Campground and he jumped into it, without any warning, and so I asked him Wat-er you doing

Anonymous

why did the melon jump into the lake? it wanted to be water melon.

Troy Adams

WHAT WOULD YOU CALL FOUR MEXICANS DROWNING IN A LAKE?

ANSWER: Quatro Cinco

Gwen

What is a monsters favorite pace to swim?

Lake Erie!

Anonymous
in Water

What did the pond brother say to his lake sister?

Oasis! (Oh hey sis!)

Gwen

Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you’ll never forget!

( Btw I never actually did this irl yet)

So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you’ll be sleeping. (The idea is that you’ll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can’t chew my cud it’s mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! swat in the air once Then say: Why a made your fckin’ bed today you stupid parents! swat three times And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother fcker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! swat twice. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying ) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your “sleep” and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don’t think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.

I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake … It was a bittersweet victory

  1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
  3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
  4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
  5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
  6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
  7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
  8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
  9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
  10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
  11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
  12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
  13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
  14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
  15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
  16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
  17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Anonymous boy
in Dam

the tortou s was swiming through the lake his head got stuck in plastick he said oh dam

Anonymous
in Animal

What’s a pigs favorite ballet?

Swine Lake

Anonymous
in Mum

why does blake like lakes cause of cake

NOT A JOKE LAKE HARRIET
in NASA

THIS ISNT A JOKE I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A JOKE THE PLANE IN LAKE HARREIT IS NOT IN THE LAKE IT IS INVISIBLE CAUSE OF THE SATALITE PIC SO THERES NO PLANE IN LAKE HARRIET

Anonymous
in Puns

There was a cheerio that had a job, he worked hard at it and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the cheerios. So he needed a speech, he kept practicing and practicing and know he was thirsty. it was almost time for his speech. so he went to the drinking fountain but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake but he saw tons of garbage, and what he thought was a cereal killer. so he found this bowl of punch, but he relised… there was no punch-line

watersharky

Heres a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions- My buddies think I’m on the lake Boss thinks I’ve been sick for days And mama’s probably on her way ‘Cause I ain’t picked up the phone I’ve been a million places But they’re all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I’ve been gone, I’ve been gone I’ve been sittin’ on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I’ve been tryin’ to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I’ve been gone Took a trip down memory lane Checked into hotel heartbreak Passed rock bottom on the way Without leaving my living room I’ve been a million places But they’re all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I’ve been gone, I’ve been gone I’ve been sittin’ on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I’ve been tryin’ to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I’ve been gone Yeah I’ve been gone All the clothes are on the floor All the mail’s by the door All the whiskey bottles in my bed All the dishes in the sink All the gas is in the tank All the neighbors probably think I’m dead I’ve been gone, I’ve been gone I’ve been sittin’ on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I’ve been tryin’ to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I’ve been gone (ooh, ooh) I’ve been gone (ooh, ooh) Gone

Anonymous
in Roast

my mum told me to take you u at to the zoo and thorw u in the lake but i couldnt find you