War jokes

I found someone's hairline. It was on the western front.

Roses are red, violets are blue, the last time people got depressed ended World War II.

What can an Olympic runner do that Hitler can't?

Finish a race.

My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.

I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is, then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.

What's the difference between a school in Pakistan and an Al Qaeda base?

Not too sure. I just fly the drone.

My grandfather killed Hitler.

Get it? Get it?

"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"

"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"

What has 15 arms, 9 legs, 8 heads, and 12 eyeballs?

A mosque after a missile strike.

I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."

What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

What do you call a blind German?

A Nazi (not see).

What's a suicide bomber's biggest fear?

Dying alone.

My grandad killed Hitler. He was such a great man!

The Twin Towers traded planes with Afghanistan. The only thing is Afghanistan got scammed.

What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?

At least you don’t die when you shower.

The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"

He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"

"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."

The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"

"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."

Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."

Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?

Because it was over 18 years old.

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."