War jokes

So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.

"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair? (RC-XD)

"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."

-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

Bin Laden's relatives died in a plane crash on 8/1! #justice

It was just a big hunter killer drone.

Your hairline is so bad that they used it as trenches in the World War.

What's Hitler's favorite letter? Not Z.

What do you call Hitler when he gets thrown?

A gas grenade.

I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."

Hope the towers are doing well this morning, and I'll get back to you!

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.

Why doesn't the U.S. Government play Clash of Clans?

Because they lost two towers already.

What do you say to the USA after 9/11? Checkmate.

It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...

He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.

Me: "The villain has a point, you know."

Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary: