The 90+ Best Escape Jokes

Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?

Reports say there's a small medium at large!

A tiny psychic escaped from jail and the news said there a small medium at large.

If I was an object in this world I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me....

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.

I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran

where did sally go when the bomb exploded?

everywhere

Where did jonny go during the bombing Everywhere

Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

[being buried alive]

murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly

How do you escape a French prison?

Yell angrily in German.

I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself,... That's a little condescending 😊

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression... Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run

So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either....”

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea.

A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears. "I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing." The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."

The End