Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
A tiny psychic escaped from jail and the news said there a small medium at large.
If I was an object in this world I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety
Help me....
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
[being buried alive]
murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German.
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
Sleep, but make it forever.
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...
Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either....”
