Want jokes

When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.

I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.

Why doesn’t the US want to play chess with the UK?

The US is already down 2 towers, and the UK has an unkillable queen.

I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.

I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.

Rizz,

Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.

Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.

You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.

I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.

"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.

"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.

Friend: Want to play Fall Guys?

Friend 2: Yup.

Friend: Ok, so let me ju- wait, where are you going?

Friend 2: I'm gonna jump off.

Friend: Why?

Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?

Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.

An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.

Want to hear a joke about prostitution?

Never mind, it's whoreable :)

Why does the adopted kid like playing GTA? Because he wants to be wanted.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.

Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree?

A: It left him/her/them hanging.

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.