Want jokes
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
Why did the orphan become a criminal? It wants to be wanted.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
Memes
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
😭 😫 🤔 😳 😊 👨 👩 👨
Why did a bisexual man wanted a physically handicapped ♿ 👨💼 👨 👬 gay man to give him a anonymous blowjob under the stall inside the men'restroom 🚻 🚹 at a restarea? because getting a blowjob from a call girl 👧 cost $75.00 👬 👬 👬 👬 👬 👬 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 👬 👬 👬 👬 👬 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.
Cheer on the rapist if you want.
Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
Wanted to get the scoop on history of ice cream, so I went to Sunday school.
Why did the girl study in the tree? She wanted a higher education.
Why did the cow not want to talk to the other cow? Because they had beef with each other.