Want jokes
What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?
The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
Want to hear a joke about prostitution? Never mind, it's whoreable.
I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.
I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.
My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."
What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.