Want jokes

What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.

Want to hear a joke about prostitution? Never mind, it's whoreable.

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"

The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"

The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"

The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."

When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."

I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.

The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."

I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.

My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭

I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...

I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

Why do orphans like to play GTA?

Because it's the only time they are wanted.

What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.

What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?

Spoiled milk.

What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?

Gotta Go Fast!

I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.

Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".

(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: Seeing others happy.

Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?

Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.

Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.

Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...

Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?

Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".