Want jokes

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Criminals are wanted.

What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.

What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.

When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."

I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.

The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."

I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...

I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭

I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.

What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.

What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?

Spoiled milk.

What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?

Gotta Go Fast!

Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".

(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)

I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: Seeing others happy.

Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?

Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.

Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.

Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...

Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?

Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

Why do orphans like to play GTA?

Because it's the only time they are wanted.