Want jokes

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"Say what you want about the deaf."

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

My AI assistant told me it wanted to go deeper...

...into the algorithm. I misunderstood. Now I’m banned from the lab.

A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”

The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”

How would negotiations between Putin and Zelensky play out?

QUEUE THE MUSIC

BANG BANG INTO THE ROOM I KNOW U WANT IT

Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

Explain Bear, I want to kiss you.

Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

Mom clean your room Me no it’s my room and I don’t want to clean it Mom you are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter me Well I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now am I you are the Worst like why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter I’m not her OK I am not her so stop Mom do you know what I pushed you out of my hula 43 minutes do not make me hate you because guess what I brought you into the world and I can take you out of it Me bro

A black lady goes inside the drug store on Eight Mile Road in the city of Detroit, Michigan, and asks the pharmacist, "I would like to buy a box of tampons."

And then the black lady is asked by the pharmacist, "Do you want to buy the box of mini pads, or do you want to buy the box of maxi pads?"

And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"

And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"

And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

Who wants a spot of bukkake for bedtime?