Violence jokes

What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?

You reload and keep shooting.

I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.

Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.

Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?

A: He got shot.

Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

I never get school shooting jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have no balls, neither will you. 🔪🔪

Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?

Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.

My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.

How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.

Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.

What has four legs and one arm?

A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.