Violence jokes

Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?

A. Rape babies.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!

I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.

Why don’t you peel a banana?

It’s too hard to kill your nana.

The terrorists got a killstreak of 2,996; they are popping off, bro.

What’s the best part about putting a baby in a blender feet first?

Watching their expression change.

What has 2 wheels and screams? A disabled [person] I dropkicked down the stairs.

They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.

I'm going to burn Braden Mitchell Kniffen's house down.

George, when I saw your face, I had to shoot you with a Nerf gun. If you died, wimp.

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

What did the terrorist say to the 72 virgins?

"Just so you know, 5 inches is REALLY big!"

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

So my best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a ‘single’ joke. Then she said, "Go and f***ing die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF I will break his body for you. Happy now?"

She said, "Sniff, yes."

The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."

Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.