Violence jokes
Q: What is Chris Brown's #1 Hit? A: Rihanna
What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"
He said he like Neymar so HIT THAT BOY LIKE FROM THE BACK!
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.
Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...
Are they just given a quick crash course?
Why did I shoot my dog?
Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎
Roses are red, so is my gun. Why do you ask? Because it's full of blood.
I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!
Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.
I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your shitty bloody duck on her favorite teddy bear.
It's not rape if you say "April Fools!"
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
When I got to school, they gave me an Acer laptop, so I went up to the teacher and aced her.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
Rape victims suck, literally.