My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
Three rednecks, Billy, Joe, and John, are talking about their hobbies. They agree on shooting. John says, "I like shooting animals." Joe says, "I like shooting birds." Billy says, "I like shooting cans." Joe and John ask, "What kind of cans, like bear cans, Pepsi cans, or cola cans?" Billy responds, "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans, and Asian Americans."
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?
Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
Where do suicide bombers go after death?
Everywhere.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
