Violence jokes

Steps to win a Nerf war:

Step 1. Take out Nerf bullets.

Step 2. Load hollow points.

Step 3. Win!

When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.

Stop the cap.

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

What is a terrorist's favorite song?

"Pumped Up Kicks."

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!

My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.

How do you piss off a feminist? You rape her.

What is the best revenge for getting punished at school?

Go shoot up the school.

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

What's big and yellow...?

A bus full of kids.

I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.

Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

A: You give them a Sandy Hook.

I killed a man in '94.

It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”

The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.

Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.