Steps to win a Nerf war:
Step 1. Take out Nerf bullets.
Step 2. Load hollow points.
Step 3. Win!
Violence Jokes
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!
It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”
I killed a man in '94.
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
A: You give them a Sandy Hook.
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends how hard you throw them.
Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?
A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
Roses are red, violets are not lime, if you turn around, I will fist you anytime.
