Violence jokes
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
Steps to win a Nerf war:
Step 1. Take out Nerf bullets.
Step 2. Load hollow points.
Step 3. Win!
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.
David: I will surpass Kakarot!
Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*
*World War 2 going on and then stops.*
Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends how hard you throw them.
Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?
A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
A: You give them a Sandy Hook.
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
What is worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer; the other one is just an orphan.
School shootings are everywhere. In ice cream shops and even the woods.