Violence jokes

Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!

When you're angry, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

*World War 2 going on and then stops.*

Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."

Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.

David: I will surpass Kakarot!

Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*

Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?

A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?

My friend thinks he is funny.

He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.

Steps to win a Nerf war:

Step 1. Take out Nerf bullets.

Step 2. Load hollow points.

Step 3. Win!

When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.

Stop the cap.

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

What is a terrorist's favorite song?

"Pumped Up Kicks."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock knock who? I'll knock knock you out if you don't stop.

What's the best part about beating up an orphan?

They can't tell their parents.

A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

I learned that a strangler was targeting me.

All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"

What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?

A frog in a blender.