Violence jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them, with fuck.

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?

Nothing.

Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.

What did the guy tired of hearing people joke about rape do?

He killed everyone on this f#cking website.

You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.

Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.

Me: Hi, my name is...

Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?

Me: Hey, stop dude!

Bro: How is it going, bro--

Me: SHUT UP!

Bro: Is that a gun?

Me: *Pointing at bro*

Bro: Dude, I'm...

Me: *BANG* *BANG*

Me: Finally, it's over.

An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.

What is 1 + 1?

They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.

Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.

Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.

I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.

I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"

He gave me a book.

It was the Quran.

I said, "What the hell is that?"

He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."

Rape is so outdated, but when you pay them money, it is a popular date!

Gun + Backpack = Fun!

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pitbull in a children's play area.

What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?

A. Rape babies.

What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?

654-721-8940

(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)

What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?

Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. 😂

I gotta do terrorist :)

The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.