Violence jokes

Roses are red, my name is Dan...

TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!

What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?

Throwing the baby off a cliff.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.

Why did the rape victim cross the road?

Because she was a chicken!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.

Stop the cap.

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!

It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”

Why do American guns only have 30 rounds?

Because it's the average class size.

Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.

I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan?

Because they can't call their parents.

Will Smith slapped your hairline to space.

What is worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!