Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
Hockey Jokes
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?
A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.
Yo momma so queer that she thinks Paige Stawicki will be the first female in the NHL.
What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.
Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?
In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.
Canada.
You are so small that you play hockey against the curb!
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
Why did hockey wookie slap kissing Missy in the face? Because Huggy didn't get a kissy from Kissy Missy.