Violence jokes
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the airplane!"
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...
Well nvm, they shot him dead.