Violence jokes
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
Quote from Seth no.1: "I would have fought back, but she was seven."
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?
Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
What do you call a terrorist at a cinema?
A box office bomb.
So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.