Violence jokes
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
We don't have school shooters; we have special ed breeches.
Gun + Backpack = Fun!
Roses are red, my name is Dan...
TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?
Black people don't shoot up schools.
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.