How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.
The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
The ice cream man tried to murder me today.
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.
