I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
One at the bottom that's still alive.
What's worse than that?
It's forced to eat its way out.
What's even worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
What has 6 legs, 10 arms, and 3 heads?
The Boston marathon finish line.
My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Lil Johnny looked a lil bonny, but then when he saw Tommy, he decided to bomb me.
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
