Violence jokes

Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?

He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.

What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"

Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!

Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!

Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*

Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

Why are there no women in the NFL?

Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity, so the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team, we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch she'd have to be?

What do you call a violent fish?

A smackeral!

After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.

They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.

I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.

I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...

Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?

A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.

What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?

10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.

It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!

Why did Sally get a black eye?

Because she tried to play patty cake.

"Kill yourself."

"Kill me yourself, pussy."

I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree?

A baby stapled to ten trees.

What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.