I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.
He asked for a shot of beer?
He got shot and killed.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
Why did the clown stop smiling?
Someone chopped his lips off.
