Violence jokes
What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?
Black people don't shoot up schools.
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to get them out?
A blender.
My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.