Violence jokes
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
"Kill yourself."
"Kill me yourself, pussy."
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree?
A baby stapled to ten trees.
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.
You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.
Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.
I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.