I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm. Optimistic
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno....this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm...I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:.......(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me........ God:....(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty
What does it sound when a dragon sings? A fire alarm
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ̈You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you? ̈ The Cuban simply says, ̈See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap. ̈ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ̈Oh, OK. ̈
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. ̈You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you? ̈ The Russian simply states, ̈See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap. ̈ Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, ̈Ah, yes! Of course. ̈
The American scratches his head and goes, ̈I think I see the pattern here. ̈ So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window! ̈
Those rape alarms give you a headache don't they?
Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out? The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.
man: hi doc, i have a problem. i take a shit at 6:00am every morning. doc: whats wrong with that. man: i dont wake up until 8:00am
Are you a fire alarm because your loud and annoying
I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6AM but wake up at 7AM. And it's not even a joke.
How do you kill time
Easy taking alarm clock and an assault rifle
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you then they wake you up and say let’s team up like wtf
Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock? So he could wake up inside
there's a kid with loads of new fire men equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kids asks the firemen come have a look at my new gear so the fire men go look at his gear so then the kid says kid: I've got a helmet a big jacket and a oxygen tank and a little wheel barrow for my gear
firemen says: why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls the kid says so I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?
Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife
There was a man he came home with his friends from the bar and man; was he ever wasted. Their friends made sure to get him home safely the next morning he woke up and found blood all over his night stand he called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.
