How do you make a plumber die?
You kill his family.
Violence Jokes
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you ain't already told her twice.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
What song do you think was playing at the school?
"Pumped Up Kicks"
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?
He can't run, just hug the bomb.
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
I saw identical twins. I threw a paper plane at them.
