Violence jokes
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!
A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"
Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."
Gf: "I luv u too."
Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."
Gf: "Ah, about that..."
A B C D E F G.
Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"
Shooter: "Oops."
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.
So I stabbed him. Now we wait.
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.
Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.
Me: Hey, apple.
Apple: What?
Me: Knife.
Apple: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
"Killed two birds with one stone"? Pfft, I once killed two people with one bullet.