Vehicle jokes
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?
Because their car ran out of RHYME.
What's a rapper's favorite type of car?
A Rhyme Rover.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?
To get his RHYMES in TUNE.
For a golfer, Tiger Woods isn't very good of a driver.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.