"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
Vehicle Jokes
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad away!
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?..
Hot Wheels.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
What is an orphan's favorite car?
A family car.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.
If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.
What's the difference between a car and a car?
I have absolutely no idea, sorry.
Yo ass built like a wide body Hellcat!
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.
"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"
So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
He gets toad.
